These pages will show help, advise or anything else from carer's everywhere.
Thoughts of a carer
What are the problems I face as a carer?
I think the biggest problem is the fact that I am not mentally or emotionally suited to the carers role. I look at others who post on the Alzheimers Society Forum, who show so much love and compassion for the person they are caring for and would do anything to keep them at home, and feel I inhabit another planet.
I have never suffered fools, or bores, gladly, and now am with someone who has no conversation or repartee, who argues about absolutely everything, and is extremely difficult to live with. My marriage was not in the best of states before Guy became ill, and now my feeling of duty is wearing extremely thin. Publicly, I appear to be managing well, but behind closed doors I find I am losing my temper with him more and more, he is getting angrier and angrier with me, and frankly life is pretty hellish.
On an intellectual level, I know he has dementia and cannot help the way he is, but inside I am feeling 'Oh for God's sake stop behaving in this ridiculous way and behave yourself'. This is obviously unrealistic, as is trying to use logic with him, but I still find myself doing it.
I desperately miss having a social life. When we do mix with other people he tries to dominate the conversation, but now is so far gone he talks absolute nonsense, backed up with wild claims that whatever he is saying has recently appeared in the papers. He barely reads papers. Not surprisingly, we don’t get asked out much.
I can and do go out by myself, but then come back to find he is drunk, or has strewn things from the freezer all over the place, so even that is a worry. When I go out and leave food for him, plus written instructions, the chances are he will not have eaten it but has only had cereal, or on one occasion eaten slices off an uncooked bacon joint.
He has no recollection of phone calls, or visits from people that have happened when I am out. On one occasion someone came round, came in, and took away a stock of leaflets. This was in fact perfectly in order, as I was expecting her to come, but when I asked if she had been as the leaflet pile looked smaller Guy had no recollection whatsoever. So anyone could have come in and taken away anything – another cause for concern.
I also find his lack of attention to personal hygiene (despite constant nagging) and the bizarre clothing combinations he insists of wearing very stressful, and also the angry denial of doing things that only he could possibly have done.
http://www.rubycare.org/
Care of the terminally ill,
companionship of the dying,
support and counsel for the bereaved
Supporting children with disabilities and special needs
www.meridenfamilyprogramme.com
Supporting carer's within the mental care sector